Everything sounds better when you add "but everything changed when the fire nation attacked" at the end of a sentence.

  • Harry Potter: Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, but everything changed when the fire nation attacked.
  • The Hunger Games: When I was younger, I scared my mother to death, the things I would blurt out about District 12, but everything changed when the fire nation attacked.
  • Game of Thrones: The morning had dawned clear and cold, with a crispness that hinted at the end of summer, but everything changed when the fire nation attacked.
  • Edgar Allan Poe: 'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door' but everything changed when the fire nation attacked.
  • The Bible: In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth, but everything changed when the fire nation attacked.
bosxe:

perfectvic:

LITERALLY MY FAVORITE

This is so much better than any russian roulette or “poison cookie” analogy.

bosxe:

perfectvic:

LITERALLY MY FAVORITE

This is so much better than any russian roulette or “poison cookie” analogy.

(via alex-c-illustration)

(via mummefied)

talknicelytome:

bakaforsenpai:

mysteryprof:

girlatsunrise:

sebuttstian:

merksmirs:

paulyoptosaurus:

accio-avengers:

wollipyos:

asexuals:

What are those?

Those are Doritos.

seriously though, what the fuck are those?!

doritos. its an old bag design i know. 

seriOUSLY GUYS THOUGH WHAT THE FUCKARE THOSE THINGS THEY’RE FREAKING ME THE FUCK OUT PLEASETELL ME THEYRE NOT ACTUALLY REAL

“nacho cheese” flavoured doritos brand corn chips

i reblog this post on sight

LET ME BE THE ONE TO RUIN THE PURPOSELY STUBBORN CHAIN OF REBLOGS AND EDUCATE THOSE WHO ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT THESE ARE. 
These are Giant Isopods, and yes they do exist; 100% r-e-a-l.
Where do these creatures lurk you may ask? They live waaaaay down in the depths of the ocean somewhere between 550-7,000ft. deep. You’ll probably never have the chance to see one of these crawling fossils… ;A;
Now, you think going a few hours without food is bad? Even when you do actually have food in your house, but it doesn’t appeal to you?  WELL THESE CRITTERS RIGHT HERE CAN GO FOUR YEARS WITHOUT ANY FOOD. WHEN THEY DO FIND FOOD THEY GORGE THEMSELVES TO IMMOBILITY.
I should also mention that these things are recorded as being around since before the continents even split. 
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE GIANT ISOPOD! 

looks like doritos to me

They’re Doritos

talknicelytome:

bakaforsenpai:

mysteryprof:

girlatsunrise:

sebuttstian:

merksmirs:

paulyoptosaurus:

accio-avengers:

wollipyos:

asexuals:

What are those?

Those are Doritos.

seriously though, what the fuck are those?!

doritos. its an old bag design i know. 

seriOUSLY GUYS THOUGH WHAT THE FUCKARE THOSE THINGS THEY’RE FREAKING ME THE FUCK OUT PLEASETELL ME THEYRE NOT ACTUALLY REAL

“nacho cheese” flavoured doritos brand corn chips

i reblog this post on sight

LET ME BE THE ONE TO RUIN THE PURPOSELY STUBBORN CHAIN OF REBLOGS AND EDUCATE THOSE WHO ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT THESE ARE. 

These are Giant Isopods, and yes they do exist; 100% r-e-a-l.

Where do these creatures lurk you may ask? They live waaaaay down in the depths of the ocean somewhere between 550-7,000ft. deep. You’ll probably never have the chance to see one of these crawling fossils… ;A;

Now, you think going a few hours without food is bad? Even when you do actually have food in your house, but it doesn’t appeal to you?  WELL THESE CRITTERS RIGHT HERE CAN GO FOUR YEARS WITHOUT ANY FOOD. WHEN THEY DO FIND FOOD THEY GORGE THEMSELVES TO IMMOBILITY.

I should also mention that these things are recorded as being around since before the continents even split. 

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE GIANT ISOPOD! 

looks like doritos to me

They’re Doritos

(via alex-c-illustration)

cramp:

im not sure what i was expecting

cramp:

im not sure what i was expecting

(via alex-c-illustration)

kammartinez:

Author John Scalzi was on a roll this morning (currently 7:14 AM, 26 Sept. 2014) with a tweet he found from some guy sending out an “ultimatum” to women to “make a choice” between feminism and, well, men like him. So Scalzi launched into a truly magnificent set of scorchers, which I’m posting here for the delectation of people everywhere.

Also: I would like to thank that guy for setting the ultimatum. It makes finding a boyfriend so much easier when the undesirable ones wear a placard identifying themselves.

(via alex-c-illustration)

asker

Anonymous asked: please elaborate on how you got a substitute teacher to quit within one day. I'm genuinely curious.

mysticmoonhigh:

mamalovebone:

all right everyone sit down, shut up and listen closely because I’m about to tell y’all the tale of Ms. Mormino.

Seventh grade is a time most people don’t look back on fondly. I know I sure don’t—I tend to regard that era as nothing more than an unpleasant, acne-filled haze of fall out boy and poor attempts at pseudo-zooey deschanel fashions. But enough about me. Let’s talk about my math teacher. 

Ms. Isom. Poor old Ms. Isom. Well in her 60’s, always plagued with some illness or injury, she was hardly ever even at school. Since many of her absences were the result of short-notice incidents—“falling down the stairs” was popularly cited— it wasn’t all that uncommon to not have a substitute on hand. Being a smartass honors class, we’d gotten away with several successful evasions of administration, walking cavalierly into class  to pass the next 48 minutes doing just about nothing. Hell, for good measure, we’d sometimes even toss in a friendly “hey, Ms. Isom!” if any administrators were anywhere within earshot. So incredibly anti-establishment, you could basically call it another Project Mayhem, except instead of Brad Pitt and Ed Norton concocting homemade bombs, it was a bunch of tweenyboppers with iPhone 3’s and Justin Bieber 2009 haircuts. 

 We got pretty accustomed to our own little self-governing system that rolled around every second period, so we naturally weren’t exactly thrilled when administration caught on to our little Anarchy Act and strictly enforced the presence of a substitute every day. 

Most of our subs weren’t terrible—most were friendly, gave us participation grades, and didn’t object to the independent attitude of our class (which, mind you, only had about ten students in it) 

That is, until Ms. Mormino came along. 

Four feet, ten inches of raw, undiluted evil, Ms. Mormino walked into class with a scowl on her face and a chip on her shoulder. When the girl behind me sneezed, Ms. Mormino’s immediate response was “NO INAPPROPRIATE NOISES!” 

 Although we all suppressed our laughter, we all knew from that moment on that, try as she might with her despotism and her draconian anti-sneeze policy, Ms. Mormino didn’t stand a chance. 

 The arguable beginning of the end for Ms. Mormino’s all-too-brief reign of terror was the moment I asked for a calculator; mine was broken. Mormino asserted that I could only borrow a calculator if I loaned her something of mine; at that moment, the girl next to me chimed in, saying she, too, needed a calculator. “I have a folder I can give you,” I offered. “I have a highlighter,” added the other girl. 

 At that moment, a puberty-creaking voice from the back of the room piped up. 

Max. 

We all know certain people have certain gifts. Michelangelo saw angels in every block of marble and devoted his life to setting them free; Einstein had a mind which saw the potential of the entire universe; F. Scott Fitzgerald wove intricate tales of decadence and depravity. Max, however, had a different kind of gift: he could make anything—anything at all—into a “that’s what she said” joke. More on that later, though. 

Max pried off a Nike sneaker and held it proudly in the air, like a coveted trophy. 

"I have a shoe." 

Tottering in one-shoe-one-sock, Max dumped the sneaker on Ms. Mormino’s desk, retrieved a calculator, then tottered back to his own desk, a sort of smirk playing on his face. And, as to be expected—the rest of us quickly followed suit. 

 A small pile of shoes on her desk, Ms. Mormino grit her teeth and glared at us as we all sat back down, quietly victorious, a calculator in each of our hands. It wasn’t long, however, until we all began to silently plot our next act of minor mayhem. 

"Can I go to the bathroom?" asked Tyler, who, despite being in seventh grade, was approaching his sixteenth birthday. In a combination of verism and admiration of Tyler’s devil-may-care boldness, we unequivocally accepted him as our leader. For reasons unknown, Ms. Mormino denied his request. Tyler, much like his Fight Club namesake, heeded no rules but his own and left anyway—Ms. Mormino, furious, locked the door behind him and smugly insisted that "administration will take care of him." 

Tyler, however, was not one to be caught, and stayed close by, appearing in the window of the door whenever Ms. Mormino wasn’t looking. Waving, smiling, laughing, making faces and obscene gestures, Tyler had us all in stitches, but cleverly avoided Ms. Mormino’s sight—when she asked us what was so funny, we all refused to give Tyler away. 

A girl asked to go to the bathroom, stating she “really really really” needed to go. Ms. Mormino, again, denied her request. Ms. Mormino, however, seemed to be uninformed about the side door—leading right outside, always locked from the outside but always open from the inside. 

"Well, I’ll go myself," the girl responded, and took off, hurdling three desks and darting out the door. Right behind her, two other students took off, pursuing freedom. The door slammed behind all three students, and they were gone. 

 Six of us were left. Among us, importantly, was Chris. 

Chris was thirteen, but looked half his age; scrawny, wiry, he probably measured in at about four-foot-three, but no taller. “Late Bloomer” are words that come to mind. 

Despite his diminutive size, Chris possessed the gall of someone like Tyler.

"I have to use the bathroom," said Chris, standing. 

 ”Do you think I’m going to allow you to go to the bathroom?” snapped Ms. Mormino. 

 ”It’s an emergency!” Chris pleaded. 

"Sit down," Ms. Mormino growled. 

Meanwhile, the entire class borders on hysteria. We have tears in our eyes, almost suffocating from choking back laughter. 

"It’s an emergency," repeated Chris, but it sounded more like a warning.

"Sit."

Silence. Silence, Silence and more silence, until we all began to notice a dark stain on Chris’s khakis. The stain grew. And grew. And grew.

 Fists at his sides, stoicism in his face, and a cold, proud, triumphant glint in his eye, Chris locked eye contact with Ms. Mormino. 

And pissed right in his pants. 

The entire class erupted into a laugh only comparable to the detonation of a bomb. 

We laughed so hard for the next five, ten, fifteen minutes straight that Ms. Mormino gave up. Surrendering, putting her head on her desk, she waited until the hysteria finally subsided. 

Finally looking up, defeated, pathetic, Ms. Mormino glared at us all and wailed: 

 ”This is too much, this is too hard, too hard, Jesus Christ, this is too much for me!” 

 A lone voice sounded from the back of the room. Guess whose it was.

"That’s what she said."

Ms. Mormino officially retired from teaching that afternoon.

FUCKING READ IT IT’S WORTH IT

twirlytumblfluff:

memeguy-com:

This man knows how to ride a Segway

This is the ONLY way to ride a Segway.

twirlytumblfluff:

memeguy-com:

This man knows how to ride a Segway

This is the ONLY way to ride a Segway.

(via thewordscomealive)

saintyounghagakure:

my mate told me this joke the other week and i still laugh to myself about it okay are u ready for this

so a german installs a bath around his table…

BADUMTISCH

(via speutschlish)

browneyesblackcoffee:

shitdickfuckmothafucka:

omgbuglen:

A warning to anybody thinking about getting a husky

You can build yourself a third husky

That’s the spirit

browneyesblackcoffee:

shitdickfuckmothafucka:

omgbuglen:

A warning to anybody thinking about getting a husky

You can build yourself a third husky

That’s the spirit

(via mummefied)

catsbeaversandducks:

"Oh this darn wind does nothing for the hair style…"

(via tastefullyoffensive)

murauders:

Fantastic beasts and where Hagrid hides them.

(via sheezarealjoker)

givemeinternet:

Was this a joke or is someone getting fired?

givemeinternet:

Was this a joke or is someone getting fired?

(via mummefied)